I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
