Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
