I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
