I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
