So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found puke in my bra..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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