i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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