Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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