How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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