If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
two words...techno handjob
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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