only if we run a train.
done.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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