wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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