She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
