If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
