They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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