She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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