we're chasing vodka with high fives
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
