Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
