ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
