Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
