I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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