either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
