Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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