She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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