He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
