your parents love me but you hate me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
