Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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