so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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