It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
