Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize