Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
