Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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