Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
