I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
