Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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