Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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