After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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