So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
