His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
