My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
