He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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