Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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