There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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