I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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