so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
