Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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