When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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