And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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