he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
