I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
