Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
