I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
