as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
