Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
