yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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