Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
