He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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