I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
