I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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