Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize