I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We need to rekindle our bromance
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
