The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
