my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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