I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
