Midget sex pt 2 tonight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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