My nipple is on Facebook.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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