worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
