some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He is an equal opportunity slut.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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