who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize