So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize