My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The best revenge is premature balding
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
