Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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