Can i not drive my cunt home
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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