i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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